There’s a train leaving…

Quote

There’s a train leaving your heart tonight.
There’s a silence inside your head and you’re running from it.
Down the tracks on a midnight line.
There’s a red moon in the sky and you’re running from it.
But I’m coming for you wherever you go.
Wrestling angels till dawn breaks through
There’s a blessing in the wound and you’re running from it.
When all your demons are at your door
it’s a soldier they’re looking for and you’re running from it.
But I’m coming for you wherever you go.
Across the sea, the space between everything you think
You know – the things you keep and bury deep underneath
The melting snow – I’ll follow.
I’ll follow.
Fathers & mothers don’t always come through
but I’m never gonna stop following you
Prophets and lovers don’t always hold true
but I’m never gonna stop falling for you
So when your wine’s all gone and your well runs dry,
Open your hands and look into my eyes; all that you see here,
you’ll soon leave behind, so open your hands and look into my eyes

- Audrey Assad

Know

As the dew falls on the blade
You have touched all this fragile frame
And as a mother knows her baby’s face
You know me, You know me

As the summer air within my chest
I have breathed You deep down into my breast
And as You know the hairs upon my head
Every thought and every word I’ve said
Every thought and every word I’ve said

Savior, You have known me as I am
Healer, You have known me as I was
As I will be in the morning, in the evening
You have known me, yeah, You know me

Oh, and as the exhilaration of autumn’s bite
Oh, You have brought these tired bones to brilliant life
And as the swallow knows, she knows the sky
This is how it is with You and I
Oh, this is how it is with You and I

Savior, You have known me as I am
Healer, You have known me as I was
As I will be in the morning, in the evening
You have known me, yeah, You know me

From the fall of my heart to the resurrection of my soul
You know me, God, and You know my ways
In my rising and my sitting down
You see me as I am, oh, see me as I am

And as a lover knows his beloved’s heart
All the shapes and curves of her even in the dark
Oh, You have formed one in my inward parts
And You know me, You know me, yes

Savior, You, You have known me as I am
Oh, healer, You have known me as I was
As I will be in the morning, in the evening
You have known

You have known me, in the morning, in the evening
You’ve known me, God
In the morning, in the evening You have known me
Yeah, You’ve know me

You have always known me
You know me, God, You have known me
You have always known my heart

manna, our ‘what is this?’ nourishment

Until Home and Promised Land and complete clarity, I’m a wanderer crossing bridges, wanderer eating manna, eating mystery. For really, as long as I live, travel, is there ever anything else to eat? I either take the “what is it?” manna with thanks, eat the mystery of the moment with trust, and am nourished another day–or refuse it…and die. Jesus calls me to surrender and there’s nothing like releasing fears and falling into peace. It terrifies me, true. But it exhilarates. This, this is what I’ve always wanted and never knew this utter trust this enlivening fall of surrender into safe hands. There is no joy without trust! –1,000 Gifts pg. 158

following Jesus

Love God and do what you please _St. Augustine


Keep your relationship to Jesus right and God will fulfill His purposes in your life. Get out of touch with His Living Spirit, go in your own strength and you will walk in flesh. 

Oswald Chambers was the one who pounded this into my heart when I first became a Christian. I lost it countless times since those early years but it has echoed again in my heart when I realize I’ve been going it alone and trying to become right and be made whole by my own works instead of because and through Christ’s work in me. Namely, if I have taken of praying with desperation of myself. Praying with desperation for God to be at work in me. Also praying with faith that GOD IS. God is at work in me and that He has won the battle. 

FAITH.

Do I believe the promises for my life? Do I live in conscious dependence on Him? He’s the Source. 

Are we seeking to work for Jesus or to LOVE Jesus? Love Jesus and He’ll work through you His work. 

I’m not giving up

I’m choosing contentment with the messes of life. Yes, there will be plenty of things in my life I would prefer not to have but I’m not going to just give up on them and get discouraged when things don’t go as I’d like them too. Yes, the floors are almost always dirty. Our clothes are almost always out of the drawers and closets and the laundry is almost never caught up on completely but I’m choosing joy and contentment right now because it’s THE right thing. It’s the way to live with joy now instead of wanting the illusive moment of perfection. I’m going to have to wait a while for perfection. It’s coming but it’s an echo for a world in which righteousness dwells perfectly. For now though Jesus calls us to Himself to come and gain a quiet content heart.

If you expect perfection or nothing you will always end up with nothing.
-Edith Schaeffer

exposure therapy

I was in the basement when I saw something scurry past. It was huge and  a spider with an egg sack on it.  I was horrified. It was silver dollar sized and looked like a mini hairy legged tarantula. It ran into a rather large pile of Kia’s doll clothes. Lovely. I knew I didn’t want that egg salk hatching but I didn’t really want to rifle all those clothes to find it either. I pulled up the courage as I horrified envisioned hundreds of them hatching.
Before I started picking up articles I realized I was going to have to do something to catch this spider because I didn’t want to squish it. So I went and got a jar. I finally trapped the spider in the jar and gingerly slid the lid underneath. Suddenly I was staring at closer range than ever before with something that made me squirm and shiver. There enclosed in that jar was that huge ugly spider.

At first I didn’t want to look at it at all for that matter even hold the jar. I brought it upstairs and put it as far away and told myself that my husband could let it out somewhere far from our house. But first I did need to do our home school duty and show my daughter and let her learn a little more about spiders. I explained it was a mama spider and other sorts of information in my most “I am not scared” matter of fact voice.  Kia was fascinated. We talked for a while. Andrew ended up not letting that spider go for several weeks actually and I began to look at it every few days I’d pick up the jar and look at the spider. Each day with less trepidation. Soon the spider didn’t bother me much. Today I found another of her kind and swiftly dealt with it. No biggie.It struck me suddenly that I had become desensitized to the horror of spiders. I realized it has also happened somewhat with my more dreaded fear of snakes since we had a mama snake have her babies in our window well. I see lots of snakes and while I don’t like them they don’t make me die with fright either like they used too.

Exposure treatment  works and in our hearts in regards to sin it works too well. When I tolerate that “little” sin of complaining to creep in. When the horror leaves after I’ve gone off on a tirade of frustration. When it’s no longer a big deal to allow some of the world to shape my ideas, my entertainment, my limits, my style. When not praying is just “being too busy” and perfectly “normal” for a mother. The “tiny” black widows slip in and well, we allow them to crawl behind a curtain in our life and sit there having babies making themselves comfortable in our turf. We begin to not notice them. Just as the dust accumulates in my house I notice it less and less. How the clothes on my dresser just stack and I don’t notice until it’s to the ceiling. We don’t notice the ordinary sins in our life, we tolerate them. The constant exposure deadens us to what it is actually doing to us. The danger we are in.

Today I told God to please not allow me to live with any sin releasing it’s toxic gas into the air of my heart. I want to live with a pure heart one that is constantly cleansed by coming to Christ for forgiveness as soon as I’m aware I’ve relied on my flesh instead of His Spirit. I want to come right back into His presence and communion. I want to walk in that sweet peace and communion. I don’t want the spiders and snakes of sin to live in my heart and not notice them until it’s too late and they’ve allowed death to wreak havoc on my heart and those I love. I want to live in the fullness of Christ’s inheritance for me. That fullness means that I don’t have to live blind to my sin. God’s Spirit is so willing and desires to show us how to walk, how to please Him in every way. How to walk in His power and abide in the Branch resting in His sap for the life to walk in holiness.

I’m done trying this sanctification in my own power. No thanks. Jesus You are more than enough for my justification and You are everything I need for sanctification as well.
No more “little” or “big” spiders. God You will rid me of all them as I rest in You and someday, blessed day I will be completely free and never more have to daily battle the old nature. Child of God, that’s ours, let’s walk in it.

What are you telling yourself?

The words we speak over our lives are powerful. When we speak words of complaint, fear, bitterness and envy over our days we will reap and live in those dark and worldly, hopeless place. Satan will have reign to create chaos and we will believe what we say to ourselves.

 You see, when we say negative things Satan works to build strongholds in our minds. The enemy, Satan, wants us to concentrate on our problems until we get to the point that we realize the whole thing is hopeless and no one-not even God can help us out of our mess. Let me tell you that is just not true. When we are faced with setbacks, it is really important to make a decision not to focus on your problem~ as hard as that may be. Instead focus on God and begin speaking Gods word. When we focus on God, we realize that with God all things are possible. This is called casting down imaginations and holding captive the negative thoughts and words in our mind.(II Corinthians 10:5) Negative thoughts will continue to enter your mind but you can choose not to let those in to take root and grow into a stronghold. Be at peace, calm and relaxed. Remember God will fight our battles for us, so worrying doesn’t make it easier for God to work- actually it makes it harder. If you choose to stay in an attitude of faith and peace it makes it easier for God to work. It also makes it easier to start reciting and speaking God’s word over our problems. Remember what the enemy, Satan, intends for harm God can make it work out for good.(Genesis 50:20) -Beth Rimstidt

When our mouths want to proclaim that “we don’t have enough time” or “we’re overwelmed” or “too tired” or when your marriage feels dry. When we are tempted by waves of doubt, pain, loneliness or anxiety we must remind ourselves who our God is: proclaim to ourselves say it outloud find a song and sing it: God You are my Healer, You are my strength, You are my Shield, You are my Rock of Refuge. You are my Shepherd and I shall lack no good thing. You restore my soul. Your grace IS sufficient. You are always with me and You comfort me. You sing songs of joy over me and delight in me. You are pleased with me through Jesus Christ. His blood has washed me and made me a new creature. I am alive to You and You are my life. My life is hidden in You and the evil one cannot touch me. Proclaim the truths about who our God is to you and proclaim that you will not be held captive by words of death but only words of life. Words of Truth. Meditate on these things. For me often I’ll have Scripture and worship songs on during the day. Or I’ll have a journal open with a short sentence of Truth on it in the kitchen and glance at it while cooking or cleaning. I have a pen near by to write down new sentances of truth as God reminds me of Scripture or a word of encouragement.

When you are with your children, husband or a friend remind yourself to boldy proclaim words of life to your friends and don’t allow them to speak proclomations of death on themselves or yourself. Satan spoke through Peter and Jesus told Satan to get behind Him. Even Christians at times can speak words from the evil one and we must be bold and rebuke words of death and in stead proclaim words of life over ourselves, families and friends. Our inhertitance is great in Christ and we must live out of those riches, our riches in Christ–His goodness which is ours in Him. Our God is RICHLY generous and full of compassion to us. He has so much for us. Let’s dive deep into His goodness for us. “He who did not spare His own Son, won’t He freely give us all things?

No weapon that is fashioned against you shall succeed, and you shall confute every tongue that rises against you in judgment. This is the heritage of the servants of the LORD and their vindication from me, declares the LORD.” Isaiah 54:17

When your mind wanders to the tasks ahead of you, whether it’s training and schooling your children or dealing with chronic illness or facing challenges in relationships and Satan whispers “how do you think you can do all this?” Let us agree that in and off ourselves yes we are not in our own strength able but then let us boldly proclaim that our new strength is found in Christ who is our LIFE. He is more than enough for us and He will give us all the stregnth we need. He will be our all. Lord, tell us again who we are to You! Revive us with Your Truth. May we meditate on it day and night. May we boldly speak it over our children, friends and ourselves.

who’s kingdom?

He called us to pray: “Your kingdom come.”

He called us to seek His Kingdom FIRST.

“But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.” Matthew 6:33

Do we believe it? Do we live it? Only by God’s Spirit are we able. But we have been given His Spirit freely in Christ. If we aren’t living this it’s because we are denying in practice who we are in Christ. If we don’t claim the promises and inheritance in God as His children it’s our own fault. His riches are there–for US. We show we aren’t walking in faith when we don’t accept them and walk in the riches of His goodness towards us His children. Lord, increase our faith!

Where Lord is Your kingdom in my family, my friends, my town, my state, my nation, this world? I too easily seek my kingdom. I’m too busy with my “cares and distractions” to realize that the form of this world is passing away and that this world is the shadow but the new one is coming and it is an eternal one. That the unseen things are the eternal and I must make the unseen my priority. If I do not have time to seek God’s face at set times and all the time then I don’t have time to feed my children and myself breakfast. The eternal things must be sought above the temporal. Not to say we should neglect our families but we must trust that when we are seeking God’s kingdom first HE WILL PROVIDE ‘ALL THESE THINGS’. He’ll add them on abundantly and our faith will grow and we will wonder at the beauty of His ways.

Today my prayer is that Your kingdom would come in every circle we walk through and beyond.

God’s will today

To accept His will with thanksgiving is contentment.

What if God’s will for me today is a sticky floor, sticky faces to kiss, diapers to change and an achy body to carry around? What if His will is unpleasant to my flesh? Repulsive to my self life? Give thanks. Those very moments when flesh revolts I will give extra thanks and remember the joy found in dying to that old self. Give thanks for these reminders that I am dead to you, flesh. I am alive to Him, my Husband and Maker. These very days are where we remember we have been set apart, we no longer live in dominion to our flesh. We have died, our life is now hidden in Christ. His will is ours. His will is sweet, not to our flesh but to our spirit in Him. Thank God for motherhood, for in it I see how I cannot live this life without His grace. All grace.

Motherhood how sweet you are to a crucified Christian. How sweet it is to find we don’t have strength except in our Lord. It’s a beautiful thing to know this is the will of God for me today, yes even these tiny precious love hungry hearts, sticky floors and sinks of dishes. To do Your will is my delight. We  have the mind of Christ, let us live in that.

hungry heart

He’s asking me to die to other’s thoughts of my dirt smudged house.

To come to Him with a quiet, hungry heart.

To die to this flesh that cries for other lovers.

My heart longs for stead fast love, unfailing love.

The sirens call, I go to the world’s streams.

Returning, withering, heart panting for something Solid, something True.

Oh to die Jesus calls me.  

To die, yes, but oh that death is life. Joy.

A constant denying of every lover, everything that deadens me to Joy to my Life, my Husband.